I’m not the one to teach you.
There is so much information available to you online, maybe too much information and if you found this blog, then you were probably looking for D/s – you maybe know more than I do.
What I can do is share my experience living it and be honest about what it.
First of all, it’s not about sex. While that can be great, and kinky (I’m assuming you’re kinky but it’s ok if your not,) it’s a really small part of it. I think sex can be great because the people involved are happy and living the life they want to live. Conversely, sex can be bad if the people involved are unhappy and not where they want to be. Interestingly our sex life was always great, even when we are at our worst but we’re just freaky like that. If you are in it for the sex, find a top or a bottom and leave your emotions at the door. Pick them up on the way out and maybe take someone elses if they look better than yours. What? You’ve never thought of doing that. Come on, I’m not the only one.
It’s hard because people are involved. You know how people say without the customers their job would be so good? They wouldn’t have a job without the customers and I wouldn’t have a relationship without the dominant. Sometimes I think about labelling myself a submissive and having no dominant and then basking in the glory that is my uninterrupted submission to absolutely no one. Then I wake up. He’s pretty vital to this whole thing but more about him later. Other people don’t always do what we want them to do. Annoyingly they have their own way of doing things. Even more annoyingly they have their own thoughts and they may not be on the same brain wave as you. Take the people out and D/s is a beautiful thing. It’s a give and a take, everyone getting what they want. Add the people and it’s a big ole mess of chowder floating around in a pot.
D/s and M/s (I’m going to use them interchangeably because they are not very different, it’s just about what you want to call it,) are power transfers. They are based on the submissive ( that’s me) giving power to the dominant ( that’s him.) That can be a tiny bit of power or it can be a lot. That takes negotiation skills. I’m a terrible negotiator as you will see if you read on. No one is calling me up for diplomatic service. It’s one of those necessary tools in the D/s toolbox but very few people seem to be able to use it. The instructions are IKEA figures with speech bubbles in Simlish. I filed them away which is code for lost them when I opened the packet labelled D/s survivor guide. Survivor should have warned me this was going to be harder than it looked.
It is hard right now, but that’s my personal situation. It doesn’t have to be hard. It is possible and doable and I believe in this way of life. I believe in its possibilities and its structure and I believe in its love. If you are in blogs searching for D/s and you stumbled onto this one, you probably believe in it too.
What are your experiences with it? The good, bad and the ugly.