And that’s why I’m looking for coffee

I live in small town Maine. Real small Maine doesn’t do great coffee. It doesn’t even do good coffee, so I set off this morning to find better coffee. If you are from Maine you are laughing at my delusional quest. Not know for our coffee. “I’m setting off to Maine to have great coffee” was said by no one ever. The nearest big town is a few hours drive away and that’s going to have better coffee.

I’m always reaching. I’m not a settler by nature. I will always try to make things better, find a better fit, drive for better coffee. I think it would be easier to be a settler. This coffee is good and leave it at that. Imagine that? What contentment that would bring. I have coffee, I should be happy with that.

The problem is, I’ve tasted better. I know there is better coffee out there and I will always seek that coffee which was good.

The coffee in Bangor is better. Much better than home two hours from here. Was it worth the two hour drive? Yes, it was. My taste buds needed the better coffee this morning and my head needed the drive.

But this isn’t a story about coffee.

It’s one of those damn analogies.

I have tasted really good M/s. It was sublime. It wasn’t perfect, he’s not perfect and I’m not perfect but we did it really well. We had this in-sync (Bye Bye Bye – you’re welcome) thing going, we knew each other even when we didn’t know each other. He walked in the room and my atoms recognized his atoms and they tingled because two bits of the same star come back together and we were inseparable from that moment. We argued and misstepped and tripped over each other but it was still sublime and who gets to have that? People look forever for that and I had that. Now I don’t have that. Now I am back in Maine, licking my wounds because it’s fallen apart but I am still looking for ways to make it better. To get back to that sublime thing we had. Like the coffee. I taste small town coffee and my longing goes to big town coffee. I look at what this relationship consists of now and I long for what was. I can’t have what was, I’m suck with small town coffee for the moment, but I’m not a settler. I either find a way to make the coffee better or I find different coffee.

And that’s why I’m looking for coffee

2 thoughts on “And that’s why I’m looking for coffee

  1. I absolutely love this analogy. You always find the best ones.

    Good, big town coffee is good big town coffee. The beans are better. The roast is better. What makes the coffee so good is innate within the coffee. When that hot water touches that coffee and the atoms disperse the product is magical. Nothing feels better than having that almighty substance flowing over the pallet.

    There’s different ways to brew coffee. French press, aeropress, pour over, drop. But we all know. The espresso machine is universally known for fusing those atoms together better. Just as you had to have small town coffee for a time you’ve had to brew with a press for a time. But good coffee is good coffee.

    Atoms never change, and my atoms still tingle for yours. Recognizing yours. I long for us to be great again. I won’t settle either. You keep looking for that good coffee, it’s definitely there. We’ll make it a little better everyday. You’re amazing and you always find a way. Just as stars flare up and stabilize, so will we. We’ll find away to be great again.


  2. I think what you’re doing here with this blog is amazing. I’m so damn proud of you for how you’re handling this shit situation I put you in. Never settle, you always find a way and you’ll find one again. Always remember you aren’t a bitch, or a bad person, you were just at your limit for far too long and carried far too much.
    I’m here. You’re not alone.


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